As the Seasons change so do we

Everyone on this planet has always wondered why people change? That's the question you just asked yourself as you finished reading the first sentence. When people break up, people wonder how could two people go from loving one another to not even standing to be near them? How can you go from talking to the same person about everything, having them by your side everyday for a year then dropping them like a bad habit? No one really knows the answer to this frequently asked question. Maybe their asking it in the wrong manner.. Why did YOU do this to someone else? I can answer that kind of question. For me, it was simply because it was the wrong timing. I mean this person and I still talk weekly. But as far as being together, it was just the wrong time for us. I asked this question to the guy who completely crushed my heart, i never got an answer of course. Sometimes its just simply because people grow apart.Sometimes they fall out of love, or maybe they were never in love, they just thought they could fake the whole feeling part of the relationship. no one really knows how another person feels but next time you want to find out the answer to a hard question, turn the words around and ask yourself why would you do it. 

Trying to find myself.. still

After the 2year long relationship I had I was trying to find myself in this big world. I know that I don't care what people think about me. I think way to much about the small things. I'm a bit dramatic, what girl isn't? Makeup is something i don't always need to wear, My hair can be cute in a messy bun, My clothes can be lazy and i will still look cute. It don't matter how much sleep i get, I'm still waking up 15 minuets before I go to work. McDonald's Mayonnaise is better than regular mayonnaise. I will always think I can stand to lose a few more pounds. I'll always be the girl to laugh at everything i possibly can. I'll never stop watching cartoons, I'm still into Facebook and Twitter. Music is my life and that wont ever change. As far as being a bitch, never will i be one intentionally. I'm a total sweetheart. As much as i love someone, i'll never be able to make them love me back. People are always going to judge me on everything they possibly can. I'm the type of  girl who will dance in the pouring rain, laugh at the small jokes, smile just because it's a beautiful day out. I have come to realize that blaming myself for things that is clearly not my fault will only let the other person have an excuse. Relationships aren't supposed to be with one person doing all the work. Both people have to want it in order for it to work. There's absolutely no need to lie or keep something from your significant other. that will only cause problems. Life will go on, Its not the end of the world. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. No ones opinion counts. God is the only one who can judge you on the things you do that is right and or wrong. I am still trying to find myself as a person, I do not know what i want in life, the only thing that i know that i want as of right now is a relationship. A loving, happy, caring, affectionate relationship where we can act like little kids, be best friends, do all the fun and cute stuff  and be so in love. I want to find someone who wont stop falling in love with me, i want someone to pay attention to all the small things that i do. Someone to keep me on my toes. Just be there for me in everything that i might go through. I know how to treat a person and that is what i plan to do. As for right now I'm  still searching for the things i like and don't like. The things i want and don't want. Only time will tell <3 

My First Real Heartbreak.

Every girl dreams of starting high school and dating the quarter back on the football team or a senior. No one   ever starts their freshman year thinking about school work and grades. I walked into my high school nervous as crap and thinking about who i was going to be and basically trying to keep a low profile.. As soon as I seen my classes i knew the teachers made a huge mistake. Geometry my freshman year. I hated math, it was my weakest subject. I walked in there almost late and took the desk closest to the door. I was the only freshman in there, which made it awkward for me. Little did i know, this guy named Jake liked what he seen when he seen me.. and i couldn't deny the fact he was cute. He kept staring so i always thought i had something on my face. He finally asked me to sit by him and we exchanged numbers. started talking. which lasted forever it seemed,but it was totally worth it. On October 8, 2010 We became official. Every day was spent with him by my side. He became my best friend and the best boyfriend i ever had. I wanted to spend every possible second i could with him. We had the best of fun, the simple kind of fun. he brought out a different side of me that i liked. i thought i couldn't live without him. Christmas came and he bought me a promise ring. I almost died. just because i knew i was in love and he way he showed me his feelings for me blew me away. He moved in because he was having problems at home. I was with him 100 percent. February 8, of that same year he proposed to me. I cried and of course i said yes. Then i had to move into a new home where i could barley see him which took a toll on our relationship. We fought more. Prom came, and it brought us closer together because i knew he was the one for me and i didn't want to leave him.As we started to fight more i blamed myself for everything and i started finding myself more depressed because i thought i was pushing him away. Summer came and that weekend was the first weekend i could stay with my mom, and Jake wasn't leavening, and he didn't.  He stayed with me the whole weekend. But as the time to go home came he was sad, which let me know he still cared like he did before. this was the way we spent our month of June. But as July came,things got worse, we would fight the whole weekend, he would hide his phone, do his own thing, i honestly at this point blamed everything on myself. i started working out because i noticed that i had put on a few extra pounds that i didn't need. But nothing was changing. We had good weekends and all.. I could just tell something was up. Our first break up was when the Carnival came into town. He lied to me about going with his friends that happened to be all girls. I had heard about him cheating and parting. I didn't believe him. But the Sunday before school started he told me that he has slept with someone else.. Which this broke my heart, shattered me completely. The entire month of July i had went through the Great Depression. I cried more in that one month alone than i have in my entire life.. My Sophomore year started and i tried to hide the fact that i was torn apart. I noticed my weight went down.. Alot! So i was very confident, cut my hair off.. With all the stress Jake had put me through i needed a fresh start. My foster parents noticed me smiling more than i had the whole summer. At school Jake noticed that everyone around him was talking to me, complemented me on my looks, my smile, and my body. Which made me happy. I went to Gaitlynburg for a mini vacation, Jake called me. He knew he messed up and wanted me back. I pretended to think about it, but i had nothing to think about. I knew exactly what i wanted and he was it. Of curse i took him back because i thought he could make me happy again. It wasn't quite he same just because i had trust issues. But for three months i thought i was happy again, i had him in my life so i wasnt complaining. I had to move schools because i moved in with my mother.. Jake did too! Only he stayed at George Wythe because it was his senior year. It was alright, i felt like we were a family. We were happy, i was finally thinking i could fully trust him again. Three more months passed and of course we fought. but i thought i was still happy and everything was all my fault. The last two weeks of school he wanted to branch out and so we took a break. He was parting so i did too. I was tired of staying in everyday listening to his lies. We bumped into each other at a party. Which he didn't like one bit. I was looking all cute and he was the last person i was going to talk to. He got angry with me when he found out i was there for another guy. Some how he talked me into getting into his car and we got into a fight, i called someone else Jacob  which was the name of the other guy, so he started going down the road and pushed me out. At the point i was so done with everything. Just kidding. I met up with him at a truck stop  so he could take me home. He ended up staying, as we sat on my brothers bed he cried to me and told me he wanted this to work because we were two young couples in love. I fell asleep in his arms and we woke up as if nothing even happened. He picked me up from school the next afternoon with flowers in his hand he told me he knew he did me wrong. So we were together and i thought we were happy. Weeks went by. We started fighting and the old him came back. See the pattern? We finally broke up and i thought it was forever.. I couldn't let him go. This past summer we had some steamy hook ups, but nothing more. As you can tell i was pretty much a pathetic little teenage girl who thought she knew what love was. I was clearly wrong.